Friday, September 30, 2005

Don't Cry For Me Houston Texas....

The truth is I never left you.....Well at least it feels like I sorta leave for a minute and then I'll be damned if we aren't right back in downtown traffic in a blink of an eye!

We are off again! This time its an over nighter. Ugh! One good thing my grandmother is here so she is hanging out with the oldest while we trek to H Town.

So once again, good vibes, thoughts,prayer, all that good stuff....if you meditate take 5, to focus focus focus! Once again thank you so very very much!

Okay I notice I've been Angry Woman lately....that is so not becoming...what's up with that? For someone who is usually a passive until a sharp tongue or action is needed I sure am no likey, is all I got to say! This anger rut is sickening! So being the true libra I am , hehe, I will strive for balance, which is what I prefer! A little bitchin' and a little happy go lucky.....I can do that right?

I also had been feeling guilt because the blog is all about ME ME ME.....and you know I need to shake that feeling....this is my little arena. Do I feel like I need a me thing? Well yep sorta, not whining mind you but I'm Mama, Joe's Wife and someones daughter and this is where I get to be a different part of me. We all wear different hats during our lives, sometimes several at one time on any given day, and I like all my hats, but it's nice to have something seperate from that you know? I can talk about family, I can talk about crafting, I can bitch and moan a little no one is obligated to read it...Okay I havent had a full cup of coffee so I ramble....
All in all I just need to go with the flow!

Here is this weeks sigh, one reason I think I am or was so damned sad which comes out as anger. I tried adopting twice, each time the moms wanted the babies back within a few months.....both of my not homemade daughters were returned to their birth moms with a smile on my face and the mantra, "things happen for a reason"...although I was very hurt and angry and just plain sad. Mind you this was 13 and 12 years ago. I divorced and after my true hubby and I were together 2 years, not married yet however, we decided to go for it again, that it was worth the risk of heartache to go for it again. Well after paper work, etc, trying to decide if adoption or invitro was the way to go, (Psssst I cant homemake babies), time past we looked at pictures on and on....only to learn after falling in love with a few pics and stories, that we arent able to adopt. Lots of factors apparently. Who woulda known, I've done this twice before....geeeez. So this month we decide to push this time....for a sibling group....older kids hard to place, and now we have come to the realization, it aint happening. I think The Old Man had/s grown weary anyway and its time to move on....But knowing it logically and feeling it are two diff things....So this coming week I am learning the lesson of letting go and moving on.....
Yes yes I know I do not like kids very much...but remember I do love mine! Blood dont make a family folks trust me!

Alrighty so here's to all the good things in life and not dwelling on the parts that suck! Where's a beer mug when you need one?


Blogger Lynlee said...

~~~Happy Houston Thoughts~~~

I bitch WAAAAAY more than you do, so quit bitching about how much you bitch. We all have phases and you'll get out of your rut when you're ready. Until then, were still gonna be here reading what you have to say.

You are amazing, you know that? Not just anyone would consider adopting - and fewer people will hand those babies back to their birthmoms willingly and accept it as one of Life's many lessons. I'm sure those mamas sing your praises every day for keeping their daughters safe for them and giving them a second chance.

"Blood dont make a family folks trust me!"
I couldn't agree more.

10:35 AM  
Blogger Karla said...

Aw, Cordelia, I'm so saddened by the ordeals you've been through trying to adopt! How hard that must have been to give the babies back within months after the mothers first gave them away. On one hand I'm happy for the babies (hoping they had a good life) and happy the mom did want to keep her child after all, but how heart-ripping to have the child taken from you when surely you've grown attached. I hear it happens in foster parenting, too, and I don't know if I have a heart big enough to let it get ripped out like that...loving a child as my own only to have it taken away.

You're in my thoughts today. I can tell by your post that it still hurts and I guess it never goes away does it? Thank you for sharing the situation with your readers.

Now post some more! Sept 30th was a week ago! :) Meanwhile, I'll be seeing you over at Crochetville.


10:26 PM  

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